aepicstranger: thisretrodreamisneverending: In physics the other day my teacher started having this coughing fit so he says ‘I THINK SATAN IS CHOKING ME’ and I just went ‘Sorry’ and he stopped coughing omg I think everyone in my class is terrified now. i am still laughing at this from like twenty minutes ago
*Mom hands me phone to answer*
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.
bemysassygaypeasant: destieltheory: thefandomking: quantum-locked-universe: colinorgasmic: johnandsherlockunderthemisoltoe: littlebitgeeky: timey-wimey-tennant: fudgeflies: mangoachaar: Do you ever wonder how drastically different your life would be if that one thing hadn’t occurred? did the fandoms ruin another hipster post? Yes. Yes we did.
terrible-inbetween: urbancatfitters: if u dont know how to respond to something just say “how dare you” “Hey what do u want for dinner” “How dare you”
I'll tumblr for ya: krudman: morbi: Okay, I always... →
krudman: morbi: Okay, I always find it a little odd that people consider Super Princess Peach sexist because the gimmick revolves around Princess Peach having emotion based abilities. I see people make mood swing jokes and PMS jabs whenever it’s brought up. These are people who…
castiel-is-wonderful: sionainnlindsay: castiel-is-wonderful: WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP IS ‘MRS’ JUST MR’S LIKE BELONGING TO MR OMG Mr comes from the French monsieur, which I think literally translates as ‘my lord’ and basically just means master, and Mrs comes from maistre which is the feminine form of master, so actually—for once—no. This was an extremely relevant comment and I thank...
davedirk: davedirk: lauraforgood: m33wlin: WE WERE WATCHING THIS MOVIE IN GYM AND THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS LIKE “I’M TIRED AND HUNGRY AND HORNY” AND ME AT THIS OTHER CUTE GUY IN THE BACK JUST BOTH GO “SAME” AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND I WINKED AND EVERYONE WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE BUT I WAS LAUGHING REALLY HARD AND THIS IS WHY I DONT HAVE FRIENDS can we have a tumblr marriage for you guys? ...
MeekaKitty: I am the noise →
tessaviolet: My friend, Jake Sidwell, just released his album of instrumental music and I’m not usually interested in something that doesn’t have lyrics but this album is just so so so soooo good and heart wrenching in just the right way. I am endlessly impressed and I hope you all download this and cry with…
I’m so insecure like I could be married to my husband of 40 years and I would still wonder if he likes me or not
lolsofunny: So Zac Efron won People’s Choice Awards for ”Favourite Dramatic movie actor” and all I can think about is
iamaproudsuperwholockian: yellowbrickrose: you clever boy and
brandisbigbootybitches: im gonna make a movie that’s titled “WILL SOMETHING SCARY HAPPEN?” and it will feature an hour and a half of someone walking around their house in the dark doing various things that COULD be the prelude to something scary but nothing actually scary will happen until after the credits when spooky scary skeletons will play
mycroft-queenofcake: iamjayse: thenerdfighterkid: slydig: tsarbucks: slydig: dont be mean be median or mode damn math fandom bloggers shut up we have a good range of jokes this is our domain guys we’re forgetting the point of this post and going off on a tangent
Dammit, Jim, I'm a blogger not a scientist!:... →
energizingelements: I hate money like you are a human being living on this planet with feelings and needs that must be fulfilled in order to live but if you don’t have enough green pieces of paper then you cannot afford things like food and shelter and proper medication not to mention being…
brbjellyfishing: What if crazy Steve killed drake, josh and their parents, kidnapped Megan and took her to Seattle, forced her to call herself Carly, and made her pretend she was his little sister
Nine: I think I was in love once.
Ten: Really? What was her name?
Nine: Her name was Rose.
Ten: Doctor, we all love Rose.
Nine: I love Rose because she's fantastic. She always knew just what to say and she made me better.
Ten: Oh, yes! Rose was brilliant. All soft and warm and clever and so very human.
Eleven: I love River!
Eleven: I love Clara!
Ten: Doctor, are you just looking at girls in the universe and saying that you love them?
Eleven: I love... fez.
Ten: Do you really love fez, or are you just saying that because you saw it?
Eleven: I - I love fez! I love fez.
stupid-fucking-rope: rennish: interrobang-ler: i deal with my feelings in a healthy way and by healthy way i mean shoving them aside and spending hours on the internet doing basically nothing to keep my thoughts far far far away from them it’s foolproof yes #I come from the Dean Winchester school of dealing with feelings
niav-me-alone: gatzzby: hannahsneakers: why don’t they have big hyped up award shows for books i mean best male/female character best antagonist best plot development best plot twist come on #book you threw across the room the hardest #worst young adult paranormal romance
theroachsalad: saraunderthesea: ...